March 7, 2006

Lost World

Posted in Commentary at 10:22 pm by Michael Sweeney Media

This post is much more personal than the normal hardware or Mac trash talking post. I lost a good friend this last year. One of my best friends, who’s wife introduced me to my own wife, one who helped me in many ways when I broke my leg in seven places and could not get around for weeks. A guy who I spent many weekends with on our mountain bikes and road bikes taking turns at acting out Monty Python skits while huffing and puffing up hill and dale. A guy who I had many BBQs with in the summer months talking about sports, girls, bikes, and bad TV shows.

You might be think, “so sad, he died” and you would only be partially right. You see, my friend had a massive stroke one morning before work about two years ago. Weeks in the hospital, months in Rehab and my friend is back on his own mostly. I learned alot about strokes in the last two years. I learned that you can suffer much brain damage and some of it doesnt show right away while some does. The sagging face, the slurred speech and other outward signs, most people know about. It’s the inner damage, the hidden damage that causes more pain than anything else. My friend did die that morning, he is dead and gone and the person that is still here is not my friend. The stroke robbed me and other of the man we all knew and replaced him with a stranger in our friend’s body. I’ve read that it takes four years for a family member to admit their spouse or loved one is gone and no longer with them even though the body is still there and much of the person might still be there. But it’s an illusion, smoke and mirrors of the human kind. It is hard to accept at times, when I see something that reminds me so much of my friend’s old self but then like a fleeting ray of sun, it’s bright and then gone. Replaced by someone I really dont know and in truth, I really dont like very much. It feels like a betrayal to say that, to say I dislike my new/old friend but it’s true. He does and says things that I would not tolerate from anyone else and as it turns out, not from him either. I have not spoken to him in almost a year now. Our last exchange was unpleasent and I decided that I could not be a friend anymore to someone who actively pushed me away whether he knows that he is doing it or not.

Strokes are a terrible illness, they rob you of someone you care about and leave a doppleganger in their place. Not to worry, I will have some better things to write about with the Macs but this has been bothering me for a few weeks now and I just needed to get it out.

Thanks for listening.

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